DETERMINING HOW MANY PIERCED

EARRINGS TO WEAR

In order to determine how many pierced earrings to wear, start with the number two and add one earring for each of the following phrases that accurately describes your life:

• Bulimia

• Drug dependency

• Sexual promiscuity

• From Queens

• Boyfriend in a band

Now subtract one earring for each of the following phrases that you answer yes to:

• I just took my LSATs.

• My parents are on their way for a visit.

• I have a church wedding coming up.

P.J. O'rourke