Quips:

• Wedding Advice
• Accents
• Modern Gentleman
• Good Manners
• Hunting and Fishing
• Parties
• Playing with Food
• Running
• Women's Clothes
• Cats
• Language

Stories:

• Just Foolin' Around
• Tales of Uncle Mike
• Poisonous Junk

O'Rourke

Parties-Whom to Invite

• People with much more than a gram of cocaine

• All neighbors within earshot

• Everybody you've ever slept with unless he or she insists on being accompanied by a lawyer

• A lawyer of your own

• Girls who take their clothes off at the slightest provocation

• A homo to pick out the dance music

• A bunch of people who've all married each other's former husbands and wives (to get the mate-swapping mood established)

• Cute people

• Loud people

• People who get drunk fast

• Some famous people (they don't actually have to come, just be expected)

• Some Kennedys

• Some insecure people to make fools of themselves when the Kennedys show up

• At least one person who will be deeply shocked by what goes on (try not to be married to this one)

As a general rule, figure out how many people the room will hold comfortably and invite ten times that many people. Fun, like the flu, is contagious through close personal contact.

Playing with Food