Although this is among the more respectable forms of crime, always try to make clear to yourself if not others that if it weren’t for the world being consistently horrid, resulting in terrible desperation in your own personal life, that you wouldn’t be doing it. In any event do not be overtly rude when requesting the cash. A firm precise voice with a slightly evil smile should be used along with the teller’s christian name if known. And beware that a lot of your chaps and gals behind counters might want to be heroes by giving the alarm without allowing you a sporting chance. Therefore if you stammer, slip your message across in legible writing.

FREEZE

THIS IS A HOLD UP

And be careful not to leave your name, address and phone number.

If shooting starts courtesies should be instantly suspended. Try to fire over employees’ and customers’ heads. Remember, a ricochet or whistling bullet often can scare more hell out of folk and keep them in order than anything. But when severely outnumbered, surrender. The sympathy the surrounding public will offer as the police escort you away will amaze you. They know that you’ve got worries and that they themselves have often passed the same bank with the same thoughts of robbing it. Should you see someone actually mourning on your behalf, comfort them.

Remember you now have, with your newly acquired assets, responsibilities. Deposit your untraceable unmarked bills in a reputable bank. If you want to have a bit of a fling, do it modestly. Do not overtip nor give your wife or girlfriend cause for jealousy. As she can frequently be a source of betrayal. Do good but modest works in the community. And openly complain that you wish others would do as much.