The quiet Midwestern town of Springfield, Illinois has become a worldwide focus of media attention this week as local hospital executive Edgar Curtis revealed a successful clone of himself to the world.

The clone, who Curtis refers to as “Ed The Second” predates Dolly the sheep by four full years. His existence was never suspected by the scientific community, which regarded the announcement with great suspicion until Curtis proved it with DNA evidence,

“This little critter is me, down to the little mole behind my–or should I say our–left knee”, says Curtis.

The idea of having a clone occurred to Curtis as he was nearing his 40th birthday. “I knew I was going to have a difficult time keeping up my work pace as I aged. I had read about the possibility of cloning, and it set me to thinking,” says Curtis. “I sought out an obscure genetic researcher who assured me it was possible to accomplish. I provided him with the funding, and a steady supply of Jack Daniels, and voila! I was reborn, and I don’t mean in the Christian sense.”

Curtis has been tutoring the clone on his rare off hours. Only his wife and children knew, and were sworn to secrecy by Curtis. “I have kept him in the spare bedroom; since he officially didn’t exist, he never had to go to school. I must say, with all modesty, he is exceptionally bright, and a quick study, but that shouldn’t surprise anyone, right?”

Curtis admits to a few problems. Eddie 2, his pet nickname for the clone, would rather spend time playing Playstation than pouring over the financial reports and employee evaluations Curtis showers on him.

“Ed The Second” is now ten years old, and Curtis, who turns fifty this week, has high hopes his clone will be ready to fill in for him in another ten years. College won’t be necessary, as Curtis plans to tell his junior self all the wild things he did, and Eddie 2 can absorb it by proxy.

“I can’t wait,” says Curtis. “I mean, doesn’t everyone want a little 'chip off the old block' to help out in our older middle age? By the time I’m sixty, I can start sneaking off to the golf course, secure in the knowledge I’m still at the hospital, working away.”